I’m spending my day off with a 1970s industrial carpet cleaner that doesn’t have instructions. Unfortunately, my dad doesn’t quite remember how it works either because he borrowed it from work awhile back. If my next post is a picture of melted carpet, just look for me at the nearest bar.

I’m spending my day off with a 1970s industrial carpet cleaner that doesn’t have instructions. Unfortunately, my dad doesn’t quite remember how it works either because he borrowed it from work awhile back. If my next post is a picture of melted carpet, just look for me at the nearest bar.

My weekend was awesome.

Why are all taxi drivers the worst drivers ever?

This is how Delilah plays with a frisbee.

(via tmills)

This monkey selfie is my everything.

This monkey selfie is my everything.

The magnitude of his douchebaggery could clean a whale’s vagina. — Dina Manzo

I’m no pastry chef, but I think my Pinterest-inspired cupcake cake turned out pretty darn good!

My love 💕#dogstagram

My love 💕#dogstagram

The best birth control

Is reading the comments in kimbaland's post about the cost of daycare. Holy shit, how do people afford a child? Two children? More?!?!?!

Seriously people, I felt nauseous after that, also thankful I no longer live in NJ or northern Virginia.

Is a dog an acceptable babysitter? Please?!